I dare not think... because i felt that no one would be there...
some people would die gloriously, extravagantly, peacefully...
but i think i died regretfully, shamefully and disgracefully.
because there was never a time where i felt i was someone's best friend,
was never a good sister, a filial daughter/ god daughter, a fantastic aunt, mother or wife.
I never did my best at anything... and even if i did it was never good enough compared to others.
others whom in my opinion was just ok only.
as a person, 我连我20岁的cousin都不如
someone so young yet more mature than me.
as an employee, 我连我23岁的colleagues都不如
someone so young yet more professional than me.
many times i wish i was less aware of the surroundings around me.
I less aware of the fact i'm so indifferent from everyone else.
Being indifferent
standing out like a sore thumb
trying so hard to blend in,
blend in with people who are not like than me.
blending in to a family who doesn't bother...
blending in to the background...
but i realised its not about blending.
bcos there people who stand out in life....
they stood out extraordinarily, spectacularly , positively.
people i've looked up to, people i aspire to be but never measured up.
hence constantly feeling like a total failure all the time.
you might be sitting there feeling sorry for me... but i laugh.
I laugh at myself.
I laugh bcos i had so many good examples around me to follow and
yet i'm still the person i am in the coffin.
Hahahaha my life is a joke.
a joke, no one gets.
A life that is almost a waste of resources.
why am i here? what is my purpose?
i'm happy the end has come.
this is the end of the all the negativity u must be saying...
the end of all this nonsense.
please pause for 30sec - 1min or until the silence is awkward (no need to read this out please)
Have you ever wondered what is the role of the antagonist in a story?
why saint nicholas fell? why there's evil in the world?
if you have then u must know...
know why i'm so annoying.... so clueless... so brainless... so foul tempered...
the cmi one, the trying but still cmi one.
The role of the villain is to bring out the righteous in the good.
But at the same time the wickedness is highlighted...
imagine if there is not evil... and everyone is good
who would give a shit to the good? every role is important.
play it well.
THAT was my purpose.
And with THAT... I did my best.
I was the best at being the worst at everything....
so that it takes very little to look good beside me....
I hope the people around me appreciates the person i was so that i don't have to die for nothing...
i helped made u look good!
You're Welcome.
Goodbye.
I won't be Seeing you again...
People who are angry and hurt after reading / listening to this...
this letter is not for you... u can continue staying ur little bubble...
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