non contributing member

Current status in life
< Family >
My family doesnt need me im a non contributing family member
Im a leech n pest to them...
Im the reason there’s disunity
Im so negative even my family member shun away from me
Ive so selfish n freeloading off them
When was there a time they needed me
Daughter sister aunt cousin niece god daughter FAIL

< Friends >
Im negative if it isn’t obvious enough
Who would wanna be ard me?
I m nv ard when they needed help (u say yes? I dare u to count...  n i bet u cant list evern 10 times i was there for u)
I was not there during the pregnancy the weddings the first months i was nv part of ur lives
N when i was i only poured cold water on ur situation
I was nv the encourager or the cheerleader
i'm not a a contributing member in the friendship
Friend FAIL

< colleague >
I pretend i know what im doing half the time
I dont read enough i dont keep myself updated to things ard me
Im not knowledgeable
I dont have the urge to want to know things
What do with all these info i dont need?
Only to use when i make convo with people n
half the time i read things incorrectly and insist im right
N people get irritated with my lack of knowledge
But when i truly know stuff i get doubted
cos most of the time im wrong hence making me unreliable
So what is the point knowing things?
I cant get along with people
There's something wrong with me seriously
I stir shit, jealous of others,
when hard(menial)work is all i can offer why am i in this line?
i'm not a contributing member in the company
Colleague FAIL

< Lover / Life Partner >
living alone for so many years, lifestyle of being single is much different than one that is being
with someone....
i thought i was prepared to get married...
but meeting the right person i realised i'm not prepared to be someone's wife...
i'm not eloquent, i'm not sociable, i'm not wise and smart, i'm not matured.
i'm broke no savings, not earning the amount i should at my age.
again another non contributing member of a couple.
Lover / Life Partner FAIL

The Last Letter

I've always wondered what would it be like to be at my funeral.

I dare not think... because i felt that no one would be there...

some people would die gloriously, extravagantly, peacefully...

but i think i died regretfully, shamefully and disgracefully.

because there was never a time where i felt i was someone's best friend, 

was never a good sister, a filial daughter/ god daughter, a fantastic aunt, mother or wife. 

I never did my best at anything... and even if i did it was never good enough compared to others.

others whom in my opinion was just ok only. 

as a person, 我连我20岁的cousin都不如 

someone so young yet more mature than me. 

as an employee, 我连我23岁的colleagues都不如

someone so young yet more professional than me. 

many times i wish i was less aware of the surroundings around me. 

I less aware of the fact i'm so indifferent from everyone else.

Being indifferent 

standing out like a sore thumb

trying so hard to blend in, 

blend in with people who are not like than me. 

blending in to a family who doesn't bother...

blending in to the background... 

but i realised its not about blending. 

bcos there people who stand out in life....

they stood out extraordinarily, spectacularly , positively.

people i've looked up to, people i aspire to be but never measured up. 

hence constantly feeling like a total failure all the time.

you might be sitting there feeling sorry for me... but i laugh. 

I laugh at myself. 

I laugh bcos i had so many good examples around me to follow and 

yet i'm still the person i am in the coffin. 

Hahahaha my life is a joke. 

a joke, no one gets.

A life that is almost a waste of resources. 

why am i here? what is my purpose?

i'm happy the end has come.

this is the end of the all the negativity u must be saying... 

the end of all this nonsense. 

please pause for 30sec - 1min or until the silence is awkward (no need to read this out please)

Have you ever wondered what is the role of the antagonist in a story?

why saint nicholas fell? why there's evil in the world?

if you have then u must know...

know why i'm so annoying.... so clueless... so brainless... so foul tempered... 

the cmi one, the trying but still cmi one. 

The role of the villain is to bring out the righteous in the good. 

But at the same time the wickedness is highlighted... 

imagine if there is not evil... and everyone is good 

who would give a shit to the good? every role is important.

play it well. 

THAT was my purpose. 

And with THAT...  I did my best.  

I was the best at being the worst at everything.... 

so that it takes very little to look good beside me.... 

I hope the people around me appreciates the person i was so that i don't have to die for nothing... 

i helped made u look good!

You're Welcome. 

Goodbye. 

I won't be Seeing you again... 

People who are angry and hurt after reading / listening to this...

this letter is not for you... u can continue staying ur little bubble... 

What is your love language?

My top two love language is Quality time and Acts of Service and then Physical Touch and then receiving gifts and Words of Affirmation.

I'm not one who cares much for "I love you" or "I miss you", i rather a hug or cuddles or sitting in silence in your arms... But it doesn't mean that words aren't important, i'd rather be asked if i was hungry than being told "I love you" 

It means so much to me that you show me that i'm important to you. 

Take test 

https://s3.amazonaws.com/moody-profiles/uploads/profile/attachment/5/5LLPersonalProfile_COUPLES__1_.pdf