when u think that family the only ones u can trust and who really accepts....
they bite back at you and reality smacks you right in the face.
family. the people closes to you.
yet they are the ones who actually detest you the most.
we think of friends who are hypocrites,
but when family are the ones who pretend to be nice to you
when they cant wait for u to get the hell outta their lives.
the pain is unimaginable.
i can not say i love the family i'm in.
i hate the genes i have with in me that made me who i am
this is also the reason why i will nv have children.
i do not wanna pass down my disgusting genes to my next generation.
why do family wanna compete with family?
especially with someone younger?
surely the elder one would have the upper hand.
life is SO sickening.
hate it.
why can't it be simpler.
haiz.
cant wait for it to end.
having that said.
no wonder i am alone.
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a MUSTARD SEED, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” - matthew 17:20
"I wanna tell you something, at a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes, and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself but I am this person, and in that statement, there will be a kind of love. " - Phoebe In Wonderland
February 11, 2013
February 2, 2013
its never too late to grow up.
it suddenly just donned on me that i'm 32 tis year.
i haven't really thought much about the number, let alone associating myself with it.
i embraced the big 3, a year before thinking it would help reduce the fear of the responsibilities that were to come, and i maintained the precarious attitude.
I use to think that could live my life as i please and need not be concerned of things that does not take my fancy. But only just, i have come to realize i must step up my game to meet the ever maturing mindset of the society and the obligations that tags along with it. Compared to a decade ago, the teens and young adults of today are ripening so quickly. Accepting and taking on pressures 10 times more than those of the carefree past.
it is slowly becoming more apparent that it IS inevitable that we have to take on certain duties that come with age, whatever marital statues you're at.
You must be thinking, saying this at the age of 32 is really very overdue. Yes i admit i discovered that i have a delayed maturity level, and yes it has affected me in some ways but better late than nv right?
Many people at my age are in long relationships or have settled down or even are mothers, but for me they seem so far fetched. it is only recently there was a strong awareness of my motherly instinct emoting thru me.
A bosses once said "when one improves at work, they will naturally be a better person."
This pass year, i have seen with my own eyes and proved myself wrong. Ive seen how my low self esteem caused me my job and pushed my into depression. I've nv had much confidence with the things i'm good at, let alone the things i've nv tried before.
I nv thought i could do the things i dislike, and do them so well. But when i accepted the challenge, i became determined to upgrade myself and change became a second nature. i was even impressed with my own ability to improve as i was lazy and even sure that i will not be able to kick the laziness in me.
I'm happy with where i am now but i know i can be better. I have to be.
wish me luck. :)
i haven't really thought much about the number, let alone associating myself with it.
i embraced the big 3, a year before thinking it would help reduce the fear of the responsibilities that were to come, and i maintained the precarious attitude.
I use to think that could live my life as i please and need not be concerned of things that does not take my fancy. But only just, i have come to realize i must step up my game to meet the ever maturing mindset of the society and the obligations that tags along with it. Compared to a decade ago, the teens and young adults of today are ripening so quickly. Accepting and taking on pressures 10 times more than those of the carefree past.
it is slowly becoming more apparent that it IS inevitable that we have to take on certain duties that come with age, whatever marital statues you're at.
You must be thinking, saying this at the age of 32 is really very overdue. Yes i admit i discovered that i have a delayed maturity level, and yes it has affected me in some ways but better late than nv right?
Many people at my age are in long relationships or have settled down or even are mothers, but for me they seem so far fetched. it is only recently there was a strong awareness of my motherly instinct emoting thru me.
A bosses once said "when one improves at work, they will naturally be a better person."
This pass year, i have seen with my own eyes and proved myself wrong. Ive seen how my low self esteem caused me my job and pushed my into depression. I've nv had much confidence with the things i'm good at, let alone the things i've nv tried before.
I nv thought i could do the things i dislike, and do them so well. But when i accepted the challenge, i became determined to upgrade myself and change became a second nature. i was even impressed with my own ability to improve as i was lazy and even sure that i will not be able to kick the laziness in me.
I'm happy with where i am now but i know i can be better. I have to be.
wish me luck. :)
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