interVIEWS INNERviews

this is why i hate interviews.
u must present urself as the best.
but only u urself knows how good u really are.

every time i made a mistake.
it seems like i was the mistake.
the mistake to hire me.

how can others have faith in me
when i don't have it in myself?

i doubt my ability.
my knowledge is so superficial.
i am a fake. i am empty.
i can only imitate.

that's how i survive.
that's the best way i know how.

my so called friends.

oh i have friends
most dun last more than 3 months.
i have friends who 'think' they know me.
but they really don't.
i have some good frens
but i amazingly manage to push them away
by being me.

i only have frens when i'm fun and happy.
when i'm a bitch n depressed.
they shunt away me.
or rather they rather didn't know i exist.
no one persisted to be beside me.
no one.

they have their lives.
they have their own frens
their own partners, families.
i can only say this
because i have no value to them.
i am a fren less valued.
a fren one rather not have.

i'm just too difficult to have around.
too much a pain.

if only they knew my pain.

the end of hibernation

i said enough. 
i have to up myself.
i am shit cos i did it to myself.
i am crazy cos i led myself to it.
i choose the easier path.
i tot i was special.
i was delusional.
following the main stream
seems to be the only way.
i used to think time was never a hindrance.
now i am running out of time
there's a reason why certain events
happen during a particular point in one's life.
but it seems mine was always delayed.
i learn things slower than others.
it took me longer to understand the reality of life.

i chose to believe it was nature and nurture that made me who i am.
but in fact it was my own doing.
i have nothing but myself.
myself as friend.
myself as enemy.
myself as confidant.
myself as counselor.
myself as adviser.
myself as slave.
why? cos no one understood me better than myself.

i could make things happen.
i could stop things from happening.
to myself.
i was playing with my life.
a life less valued.
by me.
if one can not love oneself
how will the others?

bUcKe+ L|s+

achievements
live abroad
own a horse
live in my own house / flat
produce my own short film / mtv
own a mini cooper or RAV4
be someone's special one
get a degree?
learn korean and french


travels
train tour Europe
Sweden
Mongolia
Germany
Israel
turkey / Istanbul
California
New York
Japan
Maldives
PPNG
Barcelona
Prague
Venice
south africa
ireland/ scotland
Fiji
swiss alps
alaska


activities
sky dive
altitude (dry) dive
cycle round taiwan once
snow ski
take a hot air balloon


that's all folks....

that's how the cookie crumbles....

it takes eons of sweat and blood building a wall
keeping me strong but it only takes a min for it to crumble to the ground.

i took 3yrs to stay away from this pain
but its here again.

haunting me.

let it go. ade let it go.

i wish i could.

so alone no one understands wat i'm going thru.

looking thru their tinted eyes.

wat happened to fresh start?

this is how i drive myself insane.

if u take tis path there's no turning back...
down deeper n deeper n deeper n deeper.

mr dove, can u tell me why are we here again?
"fly away... fly far far away...." said mr dove.

he is my peace.