i've an exceptionally high self awareness.
some say its too high until i'm paranoid.
well, i guess its true, no point denying it.
I am paranoid, but there's a logical explanation to it. (dont we all say that?)
unconsciously this happens... (tested proven) to alllllllll my friendships/relationships.
when i meet someone new i'm at my best behaviour.
i observe to see wat kinda person he/she is.
found mutual similarities with insignificant differences?
fantastic! immediate buddies
and these differences will be blinded/tolerated
after some time of breaking in the friendship.
wear and tear starts to surface.
i get highly irritable by the slightest issue that was no longer tolerable.
their flaws becomes issues gradually becoming walls.
these walls are barriers that causes friction.
the more friction builds up, sparks fly fire starts.
friendship is scarred.
scarred friendship bounded by hatred/jealousy/hurt
some friendships get mended,
some ignore the issue, pretend nothing happened.
the more severe ones i isolate myself from them.
they deem me as sensitive and they restrain their feedbacks
only presenting the pleasant comments, hiding the criticisms.
and this is when paranoia kicks in.
i believe that they cant stand me.
they interact with me bcos they have no choice.
their concerns are superficial and not genuine. (always afraid i get offended or i offend them again)
their questions always have underlying motive.
___________________________________
i know truth and honesty doesnt need to be tactless.
and some truth just doesnt need to be made known.
cos not everyone one can take it.
but i simply like the honesty.
no matter how blunt.
the more u beat around the bush, i just think u're just wasting my time.
i'm gonna get hurt anyway (by ur comments no matter how beautifully u say it)
so might as well just come clean about how u feel and get straight to the point.
to me beating ard the bush is like slitting my throat and letting me die there suffering.
while brutal honesty is like a shot gun... i die straight away...
and then like a zombie i stand right back up again.
so unless u hate me? dun beat ard the bush, just kill me point blank can?
cos for the most part, i already know wat u're gonna say.
so just shoot.
like i said.... i'm totally self aware...
i just dun seem to change.
that's all....
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a MUSTARD SEED, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” - matthew 17:20
"I wanna tell you something, at a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes, and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself but I am this person, and in that statement, there will be a kind of love. " - Phoebe In Wonderland
December 15, 2013
December 14, 2013
Getting to know a person in 3 questions
1. Do u have free time?
2. Who do u spend ur free time with most of the time?
3. How many people ask u out just to hang out/lepak/chill with u?
My ans
1. Yes
2. Alone
3. None
December 3, 2013
Forbidden to speak
Watch wat u say.
Working in an environment when every word is scrutinized n nit picked.
Innocent conversation can taken against u n persecute u.
There r no casual conversations...
Unless u r talking abt senseless rubbish and not anyone can do that. Only people with authority can.
Stress if not from the job it's people relations.
People who r close to u, who U think r ur best frens turn out to be the people who stab u in the back...
I just wanna live a simple innocent happy life
WHY IS IT SO FREAKING DIFFICULT!!!!
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