in love with you... who?

The first time i laid eyes on you,
i knew.
I can't be wrong but i wasn't sure.
I took a chance.
I took a Risk.
It was worth it now,
I know now.

You're smooth,
You're easy on the eyes.
Your gentle words comfort me.
Your humor get me in stitches.
You take my breath away
during the climax.
You kept me in suspense
as i read your text.

You kept me company
thru the lonely nights.
you're the last thing i see
before i close my eyes.
I know i'll see you
the 1st thing in the morning.

I can't work,
I can't stop thinking about you.
You're irresistible.
my love.... my....

- my current fav book -
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
by Cecelia Ahern.

the 'F' 'U' word...

i maybe cheerful n carefree on the outside
but i'm surely not on the inside.

i'm as sensitive to the following words as the laser sensors in the museum

FAILURE USELESS

i was raised with these words thrown at me like a dog playing fetch.
i was young and emotionally weak,
i didn't know how to deal with these emotions
i could only rebel, trying hard to prove my worth.
but i soon found out my efforts were in vain.
Rebelling against those words were not an easy task.
each time i rebelled, my actions only proved my inability and my immaturity.

therefore i simply accepted it in due time.

as the years went by those words were the major triggers.
And often getting hurt time after time,
soon i've built an immunity to them.
What i do to prevent myself from harm?
when someone throws an arrow at me,
i'll stab myself a few time as hard as i can. (figure of speech of cos)
so that when the arrow hits me.
i would be too numb to feel anything.

after acquiring this skill i could longer feel pain so easily
and i grew to like this numb sensation.
but on hindsight, i became less sensitive to others,
and that was not good (as i'm told).

what have i become?
i can no longer love myself nor anyone
no matter how much i try.
the scar has eternally disfigured my esteem.