My first working trip, leading leisure divers, giving briefing, and it was stress beyond words. As a leisure diver myself i dived freely. However, when I was told I needed to take leisure divers out, I just couldn't help but to broke out into a nervous break down... well not immediately... gradually. I was trying so hard to visualise how I was going to give the briefing and lead the dives but was in vain. Well it didn't occure to me how bad i was until i had a dry run with my instructor n a fellow Dive Master (who was going for the same trip as me - Brenard).
I had to work after the practise session, I couldn't concentrate on my work the whole night, my insecruities flew all over the place. Even with the help of information in front of me, I was like a shaken coke bottle waiting to burst into tears.
The moment was here, the moment of truth. I stammered, I paused, I missed out important points. I couldn't pretent to be brave, yet only GOD knows how my knees were shaking under those shorts. Somehow they (the customers) just knew I was a Rookie and cut me some slack. I'm eternally grateful. They were patient, they were enduring, they were the kindest people i've met. I hope.
But I am my toughest critic, my comforter, and counselor. I should have smiled more, controlled my moods and temper better. WHY? cos my customers were asking how I was doing instead of the other way round. ~ashamed. But then again its my First trip, everyone has a first time and i hope i'll be given a Second. Hopefully I'd be better by then.
Well, here's something to laugh about, if its laughable. Firstly, I was so irritated by the sandfly bites all over my body, my temper was already almost reaching boiling point. Secondly, we were woken up by some OLD annoying honky/singy FISHERMAN talking so damn loudly early in the morning. "HELLO! AH PEKS!! diving is tiring oso alrite? Sleep is bloody precious!! So SHUT the F**K UP!! OK?! We dun wanna know wat u had for dinner 2 months ago in some bloody restaurant in the maldives! WE JUST WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!! understand?!?!?!?!?!"
Our attempts to shut them up was oso quite childish in retrospect. Slammming the doors, knocking the glasses, me screaming.... ~ashamed. But I came to a conclusion "These old men won't shut up cos they're old, probably too deaf to hear our pathetic attempts. Anyway, they're so old they're probably gonna die soon so why bother getting up set with them? Just let them be, their days are numbered!!" HAHAHA!!!!!
Ok, that was mean but really... the next morning we woke up earlier than them n yet we were polite enough not to make a din. So Let's call it quits ya? So at the end of the day, I gave myself.......
4/10 FAIL.
Comments or Reassurance are welcome.......
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a MUSTARD SEED, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” - matthew 17:20
"I wanna tell you something, at a certain point in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes, and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself but I am this person, and in that statement, there will be a kind of love. " - Phoebe In Wonderland
April 17, 2006
April 4, 2006
A very TIRED n SCARED cat
My mind's a blur.
Mixtures of feelings.
CONFUSED emotions.
Uncertain prospect
Doubtful, suspicious.
Semi-insomnia.
Lack of sleep.
Eye lids are heavy.
Eye rings are too dark.
ZOMBIE-fied.
Body over mind.
Crazy mood swings.
Uncontrollable appetite.
Ffluctuating weight.
__________ :: __________________________ :: ___________
Mixtures of feelings.
CONFUSED emotions.
Uncertain prospect
Doubtful, suspicious.
Semi-insomnia.
Lack of sleep.
Eye lids are heavy.
Eye rings are too dark.
ZOMBIE-fied.
Body over mind.
Crazy mood swings.
Uncontrollable appetite.
Ffluctuating weight.
__________ :: __________________________ :: ___________
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